Heart of Darkness, or MyFitnessNemesis

Dear Reader, 

Happy New Year! It's 2013 and how ridiculous is it to try to work out in sub-zero temperatures!?! I know people bike all year round, but they are mostly nuts. I rode my bike until it snowed, then I swore and started walking. 

In the spirit of our next trip around the sun, I've vowed to make cliche and superficial improvements to myself. Lose weight, i.e. look like a shorter, paler, Jillian Michaels. Totally realistic and achievable. To accomplish these goals, I've started to diet with the aid of an app/website called MyFitnessPal. Dear Reader, in case this is something you didn't already know, dieting is the absolute worst. News to me so I thought I would share. At my best, I hit my "average goal" for one week. However I regularly find myself irate over imagined slights, or crying into a piece of pizza over an unsatisfying "splurge." I've become unstable, and Fit Lesbian has had to take evasive action until I pull my shit together.

(Unstable)

Here is how I've been trying to pull said shit together with varying levels of success (success based on a 5 point scale):

1.) I bought a book about basic nutrition for athletes like me who may occasionally count french fries as a vegetable. It's called Nancy Clark's Sports Nutrition Guidebook. And when I read it, I'll let you know how it is.

 Success Level: N/A, incomplete, lazy, fail, just read the damn book. 

2.) I've started going to The Training Room, which is a fabulous little fitness center where they do personal training and group classes. And to my surprise, I love their group classes. I love them so much, that I walk 3 miles round trip to have my ass whooped by any one of their amazing trainers. And I go like 6 days a week! 

 Success Level: 5+, f*uk yeah, killin' it, I think that's Heidi's butt.

3.) Fit Lesbian and I got matching heart rate monitors. This has turned my life into a fitness video game. It tells me all kinds of things about my heart rate, calories burned, fitness level, fat burn percentage, zone targets, and IT GIVES ME TROPHIES. It's like a digipet for grown-ups.

(this trophy is Fit Lesbian's)
Success Level: 4, dyke-alike, geek it out, coolness rank dropping...

Soon I'll be back on the road every week exploring hotels in the nether regions of our country, but I am determined to figure out how to make this work, even in Plano, TX. And by June...Jillian Motherf*cking Michaels...or close.

Sincerely, 
Fat Lesbian